As he contemplated the death penalty four years ago, Andrew Chan remarked that it wasn’t right that his mother would bury him.
The executions of Chan, 31, and Myuran Sukumaran, 34, are now imminent, and may come as early as Tuesday.
In interviews recorded in August 2011, most of which have not previously been published, the two condemned men spoke about facing the death penalty, but also of hope and their genuine efforts at rehabilitation.
“It’s obviously affected our families the most,” Chan told AAP during a visit to Kerobokan jail.
“Imagine your mother, or you know, your father picking up that telephone call.
“It’s heartbreaking. It’s obviously harder on them than it is on yourself.”
“You obviously look at yourself and you say to yourself, `I’ve really screwed up big time’.
“It’s not right you know.
“A mother’s not supposed to bury their kid. Obviously a kid is supposed to bury their mother.”
At the time, Chan and Sukumaran were about to lodge their bids for clemency.
They spoke about making mistakes – and paying for them.
“Everyone makes mistakes in life,” Chan said.
“No one’s perfect. Yeah, we screwed up big time, and you know, we’re obviously paying the price for it right now.
“The death penalty. You can think about it, you can let it lay within your mind but we choose to continue doing what we’re doing.”
Sukumaran said that in prison “you have a lot of time to reflect on all the stupid things you’ve done”.
“You don’t see what you’re doing is really that bad.
“Working with all these people, like inside here teaching … you get something out of it. I think that makes you a stronger person as well.”
Despite testimonials to their rehabilitation behind bars from prison governors to politicians, academics and Australian artist Ben Quilty, repeated legal appeals and calls for a reprieve have failed.
Chan and Sukumaran, convicted in 2005 for their role in a plot to smuggle 8.3kg of heroin from Bali to Australia, were given the official 72 hours notice on Saturday that means they could face the firing squad on Tuesday.